Portland's Slugger the Sea Dog, a mascot with zest 

PORTLAND, Maine -- Slugger’s face is set in a permanent scowl, a countenance his spokesperson refers to as a “resting frown.” But don’t let that fixed expression fool you, as the Portland Sea Dogs’ resident anthropomorphic seal is one of the most exuberant and boundary-pushing mascots in Minor League Baseball.

If you don’t believe, just watch. During every game at the Sea Dogs’ home of Hadlock Field, Slugger performs a 70-second skit featuring music, choreography, costumes and props, all informed by a slapstick physicality that would make Charlie Chaplin proud. These absurdist vignettes often gain traction on social media, giving Slugger name recognition far beyond the confines of Maine’s largest city.

I had the time of my life on 80's Night!! (Watch till the end!) #DirtyDancing pic.twitter.com/M1lVZmZ0wx

— Slugger The Sea Dog (@Slugger_SeaDog) June 22, 2018

Slugger, being a mascot, cannot speak. His spokesperson, an individual intimately familiar with Slugger's personality and thought process who prefers to remain anonymous, said the best word to describe him is “zesty.”

“He’s got a ‘tude, but on the sweet side. He has the biggest heart, is endlessly mischievous, and always looking to entertain.”

These qualities are embodied within Slugger’s in-game skits. Recent exploits have included, but are far from limited to, giving his mother an ill-advised haircut, backflipping from a tombstone while in a mummified state and, quite literally, pumping up the jam.

I pumped up the jam... pic.twitter.com/5HPkgPiqeR

— Slugger The Sea Dog (@Slugger_SeaDog) May 16, 2022

“Basically, Slugger doesn’t stop,” said the spokesperson. “There’s no start or stop to him coming up with ideas. He’s always writing stuff down. We’re not even halfway through the season yet, and he’s already writing stuff down for next season…. If he’s seen something similar before, the same idea of concept, he puts his own touch. He doesn’t just cut and paste. He’s got to make it his own.”

Take, for example, a recent skit in which Slugger, dressed as a Power Ranger, stops a rampaging Tyrannosaurus rex from destroying an entire city.

“Slugger got his inspiration to create those immaculate costumes, like the Power Ranger, from [University of Minnesota mascot] Goldy Gopher,” said Slugger’s spokesperson. “And that was a Godzilla-style skit too, to hear the roar and the dinosaurs tearing up the town. Slugger wanted to save the city, save the day.”

Saved humanity the other day... pic.twitter.com/ggEWZK3u3V

— Slugger The Sea Dog (@Slugger_SeaDog) June 3, 2022

Saving the city, and other such endeavors, is all in a day’s work for Boston’s Double-A mascot. Operating at this level requires a constant commitment to diet and exercise.

“Slugger will lose about five pounds of water weight every game, so he stays hydrated,” said the spokesperson. “And cardio is a huge thing, the number one thing for any mascot that Slugger would recommend. And maintaining a healthy diet.”

Even when in peak physical condition, mascots have to adjust to the unique realities of their anomalous bodily forms.

“Slugger has a really big head, and he had to work around that to learn to do flips and stuff like that,” said the spokesperson. “But you have to go with what matches the mascot. The Phillie Phanatic, he’s big, so it’d be hard for him to do flips. Some of the best entertainers in Major League sports, Minor League sports, they rely solely on comedy.”

Slugger, for his part, will keep doing flips and keep flipping the script.

“He just wants to keep on improving his creativity,” said the spokesperson. “Make his skits bigger and more entertaining for the fans. That’s the main quote: Entertain as many people as possible.”

Even if you're doing it with a resting frown.